in the depth of snow

as the sun shines through the frozen windows - early hours of the morning, when i only wish i could still be sleeping... - the cold reminds me of the reality - the necessity of rising, once again. of feeding the fire that has died down, of preparing for the day - everyone else's day as well, it seems. lunches for some, breakfast for all, potty, diaper, chickens' feedings, and the cycle keeps going. off to school for some, staying home for others - a cycle of wildness that feel nothing like rhythm.
"one day at a time" - although it seems more like "a minute at a time" - or even a second at times. being in the "here now", every day, every moment. when the future seems like the repetition of this constant business, and the light at the end of the tunnel feels like it might be a train...
... then, one knows the deep winter is here - the cabin fever intensity that makes one long to just be "outta here" ... or deep under the covers to forget and sleep. hibernation.
but a babbling child heartily convinces any old dried up heart that it's time to mind to her, to the "here and now" - and the smiles come up from down below, down from under the deep snow, and once again, one cannot resist rejoicing the simplicity of life. the gargle, a step, and snuggle. in a larger rhythm.

the falling leaves and their melancholy

did i read this somewhere - in one of steiner’s lectures, or another anthroposophic reading - or is there something melancholic about autumn? four seasons, four elements, … four temperaments?

winter, with all of the earth’s energy turned inwards, is a season for flegmatism - a season of slowing down, and doing by the fireside.

spring, with its vitality and excitement, is a season where growth is started, of new beginnings, of sanguine energy.

summer brings all the will into doing, the choleric strength to its power - and accomplishing all. the earth’s energy is at its outward peak at st john’s tide, the height of summer and of celebration.

but fall… autumn brings balance to the cycle with the melancholy of the colors change [the foliage as tourist like to call it in Vermont], the knowledge that winter is coming, and the slowing down of rhythm.

maybe my birth at the beginning of the fall has something to do with my emotions - or maybe its a reminescence [memory] of a past life… but autumn always bring my melancholic temperament to its height. the colors are always soooooo beautiful, it is always sooooooo wonderful to be alive and seeing it - and being in it - in de midst of the color.

if i had anything to do with it, i’d like to die in the fall - and be buried in the colorful foliage of our compost pile.