being a doula is one of the most wonderful activities there can be ~ supporting women and families in birth is truly rewarding: seeing birth become an empowering experience is the best reward there can ever be.
and then, there are moments ~ long stretch of times where the human spirit is darkened by fear. when providers impose an irrational protocol on a human being ~ trying to make her fit within statistics... when technology becomes intrusive, that's when we know we've gone too far.
at times, when mother and family agree with procedures, and they have been fully informed, i grind my teeth, breathe deeply and let it go: i can support without judgment even in disagreement. but when i feel within my soul how hurt the family feels, how opposed they are to the procedure, that's when my duty becomes the most painful thing in the world: protecting against the damages of technology, and others' [e.g doctor's] fears.
the line is thin, though. as a doula, i am here to empower the family to make their own choices, not to make choices for them. i'm here to point to the alternatives, not to impose them. the second i start managing a labor, i become a mere mirror of what i've been avoiding: another disempowering human being.
i do not want to be such.
i want to inform, support, witness, forgive, love, hold, laugh, cry, too... i want to be an ally on the powerful empowering journey that birth is... i want to trust.
o guan yin, buddha, jesus, allah, and all of our gods and goddesses ~ support me in these times of darkness. give me the strength to stand, with my higher self, and hold in love and kindness all around. give me the strength to speak the truth without fear or anger. hold me in peace and sisterhood.
No comments:
Post a Comment